Patti's First Wedding

 Patti was Mom's firstborn.   I never knew her, because she was born in 1940 and gone by the time I was added to the family as a 1960 Christmas present.   Mom did not tell me too much about her eldest daughter.  I could tell, though, that Mom was not at peace with the fact that Patti had grown up and was no longer under her control.  As a young child, I heard all of Mom's family stories many times.  There were only a few stories that included Patti.  Some are true, others cannot be proven, and some were most likely outright lies.  I was Mom's captive audience during my childhood and listened as she told stories about her older kids over the years. There were no older siblings around who could give me an alternative narrative.  At the time, it did not dawn on me that these stories were not always factual.  As a young child, all I knew is that they were Mom's stories about the family, and Moms don't lie. Except they do. And it can take a lifetime for one to untangle the fabrications and find the true facts.  I will start with the very limited story that I was told about Patricia, the first born daughter of Carol Martindale Tompsett Warriner Young:

Patti was born prematurely as a result of Mom being afflicted with pre-eclampsia and nearly dying from high blood pressure and seizures. Her childhood nickname was "Patsy."   Mom said she reinvented herself when she left home, and that is when she started referring to herself as Patti. Mom never referred to her by anything other than her original nickname, so I will call her Patsy in the following stories that Mom told me.

Patsy was married right out of high school to a boy named Robert Saville.  They had a son and a daughter before I was born.  Mom told me that Patsy was having marital problems and tried to kill herself and her two little children by turning on the gas in her apartment. 

After the marriage broke up, Patsy married some other guy and had a son named Critter Sparrow, and they moved to Little Rock, Arkansas, where they lived in the country and had dogs and farm animals. End of story.

I always wondered why my oldest sister never visited or called.  I remember Mom getting some photos in the mail from Arkansas, but only once. There was obviously so much more that I was never told. 

I recently located a wedding announcement for Patti from July, 1958:

Fourth child Lynda was 11 years old and very aware of what was going on at the time of her big sister's wedding.  This is her recollection of Patti's wedding, the turmoil that surrounded it, and the drama that continued long after the event.

Lynda's recollection of events:

"When Patti and Bob wanted to get married, Mom tried so hard to break them up. She found out that Bob's mom Lois wanted her son to have a big wedding, so she decided to sabotage the plans.  Mom drove Bob and Patti to Tijuana, Mexico for a quickie Vegas-style marriage ceremony.

When Bob's parents found out, they were understandably very upset.  His mom Lois wouldn't let her son register the marriage in the United States, because she still wanted the kids to have a proper wedding.

Lois bought a nice dress for Patti and provided everything they needed for the event.  The wedding was held on Sunday, July 6, 1958, in the Escondido garden of a home owned by Lois's sister and brother-in-law.  Mother was so angry.  She refused to attend her own daughter's wedding! 

From the start, Mom attempted to break up the marriage. She never let an opportunity to be hurtful go to waste.  For example, Christmas of 1958 was the very first Christmas for the young married couple, who was by this time expecting their first baby.  Patti and Bob brought a gift to Eagle Street, proudly addressed, "To Mr. and Mrs. Warriner from Mr. and Mrs. Saville. Patti was so thrilled to be a wife and did not mean to insult Mom.  But Mom took the opportunity to be insulted.  She tossed the gift back at Patti and kicked them out of the house.  This shocking reaction to a simple use of proper titles hurt Patti to the core.  She cried and cried, not understanding yet that there was nothing she could do to gain Mom's approval. 

Of course, Patti, being young and naive, still hoped that Mom would love her and accept her marriage to Bob.  So she soon started coming over to visit again.  But approval was not possible. I remember Mom doing so many mean and evil things to try to break Bob and Patti up. This included sending some shady characters to bully and threaten Bob.  By the time Bob and Patti welcomed their second baby in October 1960, the marriage was in trouble.  Within a few months of the birth of their baby girl, Mom finally got her wish. 

When the couple separated, Mom swooped in.  She wanted to take custody of the two children and needed to figure out how to make that happen.  She told Patti that Susan had called the county Child Protective Services and reported that Patti was endangering the kids' lives.  Patti couldn't believe that her sister would do such a thing, and panicked at the thought of losing her tiny children. She packed up the kids, tossed a few belongings in the car, and just started driving east.  She didn't tell anyone where she was going.  She ended up in Grand Junction, Colorado and stayed there for a few years.  She got involved with a church and settled down for awhile, away from the craziness of Eagle Street. But she made a mistake:  She called Mom and told her where she was.  Patti had no idea that it was Mom who had called Child Protective Services on her. Susan was in Los Angeles with her own husband and babies and did not know about the evil deception going on in San Diego. She had no clue as to why her older sister did not want to maintain contact with her.

Now that Mom knew where Patti and the kids lived, she sent teenaged Skippy to Colorado to spy on her and to bring her back enough information to use to take her children away. Skippy showed up on Patti's doorstep and she welcomed her little brother in.  But that was also a mistake.  Skippy may have been a youngster, but he was very sophisticated in his ability to manipulate people and steal anything and everything he could get his hands on.  Patti figured out quickly that Skippy was nothing but bad news and needed to go.  She told him if he didn't immediately leave, she was going to call the police.  That was when Skippy decided to spill the beans in order to save his own skin.

Skippy told Patti that it was Mom, not Susan, who had called Child Protective Services in San Diego, because she wanted to take the kids away from her.  He admitted that it was Mom who sent thugs to start fights with Bob when they lived in San Diego. He told her that Mom had sent him there to spy on her and gather information that could be used to get the kids removed from Patti's custody. Skippy then left her house. He had pocketed anything Patti owned that had any value, but at least he told her the cold hard truth that she needed to know.  

When I got married to Ed and moved to Colorado, I made contact with Patti.  She told me she wanted to be close, but she could not include Mom in her life.  I was able to reconnect with my oldest sister, and helped to reunite her with Susan.  We three were all able to be sisters again, but the only way that was possible was for Mom to not be anywhere in the picture.  Mom did not want her children to be close with each other.  Sadly, as much as Mom talked about loving her children, her type of love came at great cost to everyone."  

Thanks Lynda, for telling the story.

This story is just the first example of our Mother's inability to allow her children to grow up, have relationships, and start their own families. The way she saw it, we were put on Earth to be her children forever.  Allowing us to become adults was not part of her plan, and if we chose to defy her plan, there would be hell to pay. I am sorry I never got to meet Patti and talk with her.  She is no longer alive.  But I hope that at some point in her life, she was able to come to terms with her upbringing, share her stories with her children, and find happiness far, far away from Eagle Street.