Life on Eagle Street is not only about what it was like to live there as a member of the family, but it is also about those people who were a part of our life experience. Some came and went quickly. Others lingered a bit longer. All had an impact on our lives. Here is my memory of Liz:
After being away for about a year, brother Darwin returned to San Diego sometime in 1973.
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| Around 1972-1973, we used to pack up KFC and drive an hour east through winding mountains, stopping occasionally to let Jeff and Tabatha out to throw up, so that we could visit Darwin on Sundays. He never liked his photo taken, and none of us was aware that Jeff had the Kodak and snapped this rare shot. That is Tabatha on the bench, and Tammy in the green dress. Mom is sitting next to Darwin, hidden by the KFC. It was hot and there were lots of lizards. Once he moved back to San Diego, he met Liz. |
One day he brought a girl to Eagle Street to meet Mom. Her name was Liz. Liz had two things going against her immediately. Number one: she had already had a baby. And number two: Darwin liked her. I was about 12 years old when Darwin introduced us to Liz. And I already knew, based on past history, that Mom was not going to like her.
It wasn't that long ago that Mom had made it quite clear that she did not approve of brother Tim's first wife Christine. She even tried to prevent their marriage by contacting his commanding officer in the Air Force. Then she hated Tim's girlfriend and subsequent second wife Dolores. She had called Delores an old retired barmaid. She had also become upset when Darwin took an interest in Dolores's daughter Barbara. Mom had expressed displeasure with Lynda's husband and also had nothing good to say about Susan and Patti's husbands. It was pretty apparent that Mom did not want any of us to ever have romantic relationships. The reasons were not because of race or religion. It was simply this: Mom just didn't want to share her kids with anyone. She needed to know we loved her more than we could ever love anyone else. The only way to prove our love for her was by not becoming close to any other human being. She was unhappy enough if it was merely a closeness to our siblings or a best friend, but it was especially risky business to attempt a romantic relationship. We were permitted to love only Mom and no one else. Darwin's new girlfriend was guaranteed to get off on the wrong foot.
Liz was the same age as Darwin, about 20 years old. She had the typical early 70's look. Naturally pretty, she was skinny and had waist-length straight brown hair and green eyes. I liked her instantly. She was calm, friendly, and confident. Knowing my brother the way I did, I wondered what she saw in him. I also wondered what he found interesting about her. They did not seem well suited for each other.
Mom was polite and kept her manners during their visit. But after Darwin and Liz left, Mom launched into an angry tirade. She was disgusted that Darwin took up with a girl who already had a baby. She yelled that Liz was probably a whore, since she obviously had already engaged in sex with some other guy. Her anger escalated as she started describing all the different sex acts that she was sure was going on between Darwin and Liz. I was not interested in getting sex education from Mom in this manner. It was embarrassing. While she ranted, I made a mental note to think twice before getting into a relationship with a boy. It probably would not be worth the trouble. As Mom went on and on, I wondered why she was so disturbed about her son meeting a girl who already had a baby. When Daddy died in 1971, Mom revealed to me that he had been her second husband, and not the biological father of Patti, Susan, Tim, Lynda, and Skippy. So her attitude seemed terribly hypocritical. Knowing that there was no way to calm her down, I blocked Mom's angry remarks out of my earshot and thought about my own problems.
The biggest issue I had with Mom at that time was that I was 12, in the 7th grade, and needed to start wearing a bra. When the school year started, I had approached her shyly and asked her if she would get me one. She instead bought me a package of thin little girl tank top undershirts, telling me that I was way too young to think about being a woman and that I needed to remain her baby. At my Catholic school, the 7th and 8th grade girls were required to wear a white blouse and plaid skirt. My classmates could see through my blouse and teased me about my stupid undershirt. Mom's answer was to dig out my old one-piece plaid jumper, which I had worn during 1st through 6th grade. Despite my objections, she made me squeeze into it and wear it to school. That worked for only one day. Sister Stanislaus sent me home with a note for Mom which demanded I wear the proper uniform. So I had to resort to wearing a sweater over my blouse every day, no matter how hot it was outside. It seemed that Mom did not want me to grow up and would do whatever it took to keep me permanently pre-teen. We were at an impasse.
Within a few months, Darwin and Liz moved into an upstairs unit in an old Hillcrest apartment building on Pennsylvania and Third Avenue. The building was owned by Grandma Balistreri, the old Italian widow who lived across the street from us and acted as our surrogate grandmother.
Since the young couple lived less than a mile away, they stopped by for visits fairly often. Sometimes they would bring government-issue food, which back in the day were plain metal cans with a USDA emblem on them and a label that described the contents as powdered eggs or dried milk. It was really gross for humans but perfect for weaning puppies and kittens. So Mom would give them a little money for it. She would also would give them food and other things.
Liz did not seem intimidated by Mom at all. In fact, it seemed like she didn't even know that Mom didn't want her in Darwin's life. After a few months of regular visits, Mom started softening up to her. One day, when Liz and I were the only ones in the kitchen, she asked me why I never wore a bra. I felt my face turning red as I told her that Mom refused to get me one because she didn't think I needed one yet. Liz didn't comment on it and the subject was changed because she could obviously see that I was embarrassed.
About a week later, Darwin and Liz came by to pick up a jar of Mom's homemade salad dressing. I had forgotten about our conversation of the week before. As Liz and Mom were placing the glass jars of dressing into a bag, Liz just point-blank said, " Tammy needs a bra. What are the boys at her school gonna think of her, going braless like a hippy or something." I froze, wondering what Mom was going to say. Mom stopped what she was doing, looked at me, and then said, " Yes, I was going to take her to Fedco to get her a couple of them today." As Mom turned away to close the fridge, I glanced at Liz, who looked at me and gave me a silent Mona Lisa-style smile. Thanks to Liz, I became a proud bra wearer by the end of the day.
In late 1973 and into 1974, Mom had found her new love interest,a convicted armed robber named Paris Young. At the time, he was incarcerated in Susanville, California, and whenever Mom flew to Reno to go visit him, she needed places to dump me and the two little kids. Occasionally, she left us with Darwin and Liz. When I stayed briefly with them, I noticed that Liz had a job that she had to go to, while Darwin got to do fun things, like driving around in his cool frosted blue VW bug, assembling stereos known as Heathkits, and collecting sea life for his amazing salt water aquariums. He visited Mexican beaches like Cabo San Lucas, coming back extremely blistered and sunburned on one occasion.
Meanwhile, Liz had a job at Accurate Answering Services. One day I happened to have the opportunity to pop briefly into the building with Mom, and watching Liz at work was quite bewildering. It was a cramped and windowless room that had a big switchboard, and ladies were plugging and unplugging wires into a wall and answering phone calls. At the time, I don't think Liz had a driver's license. Either that or she didn't have her own personal car. She would get on a bike and pedal to work, which was located on University Avenue and Texas Street, right next to a 7-11. Even when she became pregnant with Darwin's first child, her condition did not deter her from getting on that bike and riding down the narrow and traffic-congested thoroughfare to get to her job.
I was only 13 years old, and therefore I was viewing their relationship with immature eyes, but it seemed to me that they did not have equal footing in the relationship. And my big brother certainly wasn't like our Dad, who had a full time union job with benefits and worked like a dog, without ever taking a vacation, in order to buy a house and support a big family. Darwin was still acting like a young, fun-loving college guy. Liz, who was the same age as Darwin, seemed to be much older. She definitely was the serious half of the partnership.
In the summer of 1974, Liz was getting ready to have the baby. They moved to a little old rental house two blocks away from us, on Eagle Street and University Avenue.
Her daughter Jennifer had recently turned two years old, and Mom had accepted not only Liz but also the little girl into the family. On a very hot day in early August, the new baby was born. I heard Mom talking long distance to Aunt Amy on the phone about the event. She was excited to have a granddaughter, and at the same time she was expressing disgust with Darwin. She told Aunt Amy that Darwin had his hopes up for a son, and was so upset that the baby was a girl that he turned and left the hospital. Then after he pouted for a while he went back and named the baby Samya because he wanted her to have an Arabic name. I think the baby had some kind of problem with her legs because at some point, there were casts on them, but I really don't remember much more, because the family did not stay together.
I was in school, busy with my own problems, not involved much. So I only recall flashes of memories: Mom worried and upset because the two little girls had marks on their bodies from being spanked too hard. Darwin getting rid of his VW bug and getting a Mustang, his prized possession. Liz wanting to learn to drive it and the two of them arguing about it. Darwin turning every cupboard and closet in the Eagle Street rental house into marijuana greenhouses.
The last time we kids stayed with Darwin and Liz was in July 1975. Mom had married Paris Young after his release from prison and Mom and our new step-father were on their honeymoon. And then one day, I remember a shouting match that took place outside of my house on Eagle Street. And there was a message in lipstick written all over the windows of Darwin's beloved Mustang. I think that was the end.
After that, I never saw them together as a family ever again. And then the story repeated, with new characters. There was a new woman in Darwin's life. Her name was Mary and she had a kid named Chance. And again, Darwin tried to convince Mom to accept this new girlfriend and her child. But Mom could not understand how a man could abandon his own flesh and blood child and replace her with someone else's child. She never accepted the new woman in Darwin's life. Her loyalties remained with Liz.
We didn't see Liz or the two girls for a long time. The summer of 1976 came along. Mom was enrolled in an evening Clowning class at San Diego State University. I stayed home with the two younger siblings while Mom was at school. And on one warm summer evening, when it was still light outside, Liz showed up at the door. She was by herself. She was stick thin and was wearing what we girls all loved to wear in the mid 70s: a thin and comfy little dress which had a white background and tiny colorful flowers, and had a shirred tube top.
She let herself into the house, said hello, and asked if she could take a bath. I shrugged and told her to go ahead. She quickly bathed herself and washed her long hair, then dried off and slipped her dress back on. As she got ready to leave, she calmly told me she was going to try to find Darwin and see if they could get back together. I thought she was being delusional. Darwin had been living with his new girlfriend for some time now. He wasn't interested in Liz anymore and had angrily screamed those words at her during the Eagle Street fight that I vaguely remembered. I was so shocked by the out-of-the-blue visit that I didn't think to ask Liz where the girls were until after she exited the house and headed toward Washington Street. By then, she was gone.
I didn't see Liz again for over a year. And when she came back into our lives in the summer of 1977, she had a new baby. He was a beautiful blond haired boy named David who was born in July. She told us that Darwin was the father. Mom was overjoyed to have a new grandbaby, and didn't have a doubt that he was Darwin's child. I don't remember her bringing the girls with her when she brought the baby to show us. We didn't get to see Jennifer and Samya for many months. The next time we saw them, they looked very different because they had grown so much and both had short hair. They both seemed very shy and did not talk, like kids who are meeting new people for the first time. I had the distinct impression that they had not been living with their mother until recently, but I was 17 years old at the time and didn't ask questions.
In the summer of 1978, Liz had popped back into our lives. Mom asked her to drive with me up to Northern California to pick up some Poodles that we had loaned out for a year to dog breeder friends. It was in August. Mom watched one year old David during the week that we were gone. I don't remember the two girls being in the picture. Liz and I had a nice easy drive to Mendocino County, which is in between San Francisco and the Oregon border. While we stayed for a few days at the dog breeders compound, Liz seemed very Zen. She spent her time lounging in her cool dark bedroom and was reading The Thorn Birds, by Colleen McCullough. On the drive back to San Diego, Liz revealed to me that she was pregnant yet again with Darwin's child. I heard her say it, but I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Darwin was still with the other woman. I really thought Liz was living in her own little world and was not being honest with herself. But I was wrong.
The following April, Liz gave birth to Sabrina, a beautiful little girl with curly hair just like her father Darwin and grandmother Carol. She had the big brown Warriner eyes. There was no denying that the child belonged to my brother. I was very confused, and also very sad that those children were never going to have a father to help raise them and to care for them.
Mom, of course, was very happy to have these precious kids in her life. Liz brought them around for visits quite often in the early eighties, then disappeared again for a time.
Liz resurfaced again during Mom's waning years, this time with a new man and two new children, Patrick and Reva. Even though these two new babies were not Darwin's kids, Mom fell in love with them just the same.
The last time I saw Liz was when I took Mom over to their La Mesa house to see the newest baby. It was around Christmas time, 1985. Mom passed away the following summer, and I never saw Liz or the kids again.
I will always remember Liz with fondness and sadness. In the beginning, Liz was a young mother with a calm maturity and confidence. She wasn't afraid to work. Unlike the other partners and spouses of my siblings, Liz was able to break the ice with Mom and maintain a lifelong warm relationship. But something happened to her along the way.
In the novel, The Thorn Birds, the character Meggie falls hopelessly in love with a man who was devoted to a different life path and gave her mixed signals. She spends her entire life obsessed with the man, and manages to have his son so that she at least has a piece of him that he cannot take away. In the end, she loses that beloved son, and does not end up with the man that she loved for a lifetime. Sadly, Liz followed Meggie's path. She loved Darwin with an obsession that seemed to be her undoing. She had children with him, knowing he was with someone else, but probably hoping that he would someday return to his family. When that wishful fantasy never became a reality, it seemed to break her spirit. And I am certain her children suffered the consequences.
The biggest issue I had with Mom at that time was that I was 12, in the 7th grade, and needed to start wearing a bra. When the school year started, I had approached her shyly and asked her if she would get me one. She instead bought me a package of thin little girl tank top undershirts, telling me that I was way too young to think about being a woman and that I needed to remain her baby. At my Catholic school, the 7th and 8th grade girls were required to wear a white blouse and plaid skirt. My classmates could see through my blouse and teased me about my stupid undershirt. Mom's answer was to dig out my old one-piece plaid jumper, which I had worn during 1st through 6th grade. Despite my objections, she made me squeeze into it and wear it to school. That worked for only one day. Sister Stanislaus sent me home with a note for Mom which demanded I wear the proper uniform. So I had to resort to wearing a sweater over my blouse every day, no matter how hot it was outside. It seemed that Mom did not want me to grow up and would do whatever it took to keep me permanently pre-teen. We were at an impasse.
Within a few months, Darwin and Liz moved into an upstairs unit in an old Hillcrest apartment building on Pennsylvania and Third Avenue. The building was owned by Grandma Balistreri, the old Italian widow who lived across the street from us and acted as our surrogate grandmother.
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| Grandma's Apartment building today. Darwin and Liz lived upstairs on the right side. |
Since the young couple lived less than a mile away, they stopped by for visits fairly often. Sometimes they would bring government-issue food, which back in the day were plain metal cans with a USDA emblem on them and a label that described the contents as powdered eggs or dried milk. It was really gross for humans but perfect for weaning puppies and kittens. So Mom would give them a little money for it. She would also would give them food and other things.
Liz did not seem intimidated by Mom at all. In fact, it seemed like she didn't even know that Mom didn't want her in Darwin's life. After a few months of regular visits, Mom started softening up to her. One day, when Liz and I were the only ones in the kitchen, she asked me why I never wore a bra. I felt my face turning red as I told her that Mom refused to get me one because she didn't think I needed one yet. Liz didn't comment on it and the subject was changed because she could obviously see that I was embarrassed.
About a week later, Darwin and Liz came by to pick up a jar of Mom's homemade salad dressing. I had forgotten about our conversation of the week before. As Liz and Mom were placing the glass jars of dressing into a bag, Liz just point-blank said, " Tammy needs a bra. What are the boys at her school gonna think of her, going braless like a hippy or something." I froze, wondering what Mom was going to say. Mom stopped what she was doing, looked at me, and then said, " Yes, I was going to take her to Fedco to get her a couple of them today." As Mom turned away to close the fridge, I glanced at Liz, who looked at me and gave me a silent Mona Lisa-style smile. Thanks to Liz, I became a proud bra wearer by the end of the day.
In late 1973 and into 1974, Mom had found her new love interest,a convicted armed robber named Paris Young. At the time, he was incarcerated in Susanville, California, and whenever Mom flew to Reno to go visit him, she needed places to dump me and the two little kids. Occasionally, she left us with Darwin and Liz. When I stayed briefly with them, I noticed that Liz had a job that she had to go to, while Darwin got to do fun things, like driving around in his cool frosted blue VW bug, assembling stereos known as Heathkits, and collecting sea life for his amazing salt water aquariums. He visited Mexican beaches like Cabo San Lucas, coming back extremely blistered and sunburned on one occasion.
Meanwhile, Liz had a job at Accurate Answering Services. One day I happened to have the opportunity to pop briefly into the building with Mom, and watching Liz at work was quite bewildering. It was a cramped and windowless room that had a big switchboard, and ladies were plugging and unplugging wires into a wall and answering phone calls. At the time, I don't think Liz had a driver's license. Either that or she didn't have her own personal car. She would get on a bike and pedal to work, which was located on University Avenue and Texas Street, right next to a 7-11. Even when she became pregnant with Darwin's first child, her condition did not deter her from getting on that bike and riding down the narrow and traffic-congested thoroughfare to get to her job.
I was only 13 years old, and therefore I was viewing their relationship with immature eyes, but it seemed to me that they did not have equal footing in the relationship. And my big brother certainly wasn't like our Dad, who had a full time union job with benefits and worked like a dog, without ever taking a vacation, in order to buy a house and support a big family. Darwin was still acting like a young, fun-loving college guy. Liz, who was the same age as Darwin, seemed to be much older. She definitely was the serious half of the partnership.
In the summer of 1974, Liz was getting ready to have the baby. They moved to a little old rental house two blocks away from us, on Eagle Street and University Avenue.
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| The tiny house is long gone, replaced by luxury condos. |
Her daughter Jennifer had recently turned two years old, and Mom had accepted not only Liz but also the little girl into the family. On a very hot day in early August, the new baby was born. I heard Mom talking long distance to Aunt Amy on the phone about the event. She was excited to have a granddaughter, and at the same time she was expressing disgust with Darwin. She told Aunt Amy that Darwin had his hopes up for a son, and was so upset that the baby was a girl that he turned and left the hospital. Then after he pouted for a while he went back and named the baby Samya because he wanted her to have an Arabic name. I think the baby had some kind of problem with her legs because at some point, there were casts on them, but I really don't remember much more, because the family did not stay together.
I was in school, busy with my own problems, not involved much. So I only recall flashes of memories: Mom worried and upset because the two little girls had marks on their bodies from being spanked too hard. Darwin getting rid of his VW bug and getting a Mustang, his prized possession. Liz wanting to learn to drive it and the two of them arguing about it. Darwin turning every cupboard and closet in the Eagle Street rental house into marijuana greenhouses.
The last time we kids stayed with Darwin and Liz was in July 1975. Mom had married Paris Young after his release from prison and Mom and our new step-father were on their honeymoon. And then one day, I remember a shouting match that took place outside of my house on Eagle Street. And there was a message in lipstick written all over the windows of Darwin's beloved Mustang. I think that was the end.
After that, I never saw them together as a family ever again. And then the story repeated, with new characters. There was a new woman in Darwin's life. Her name was Mary and she had a kid named Chance. And again, Darwin tried to convince Mom to accept this new girlfriend and her child. But Mom could not understand how a man could abandon his own flesh and blood child and replace her with someone else's child. She never accepted the new woman in Darwin's life. Her loyalties remained with Liz.
We didn't see Liz or the two girls for a long time. The summer of 1976 came along. Mom was enrolled in an evening Clowning class at San Diego State University. I stayed home with the two younger siblings while Mom was at school. And on one warm summer evening, when it was still light outside, Liz showed up at the door. She was by herself. She was stick thin and was wearing what we girls all loved to wear in the mid 70s: a thin and comfy little dress which had a white background and tiny colorful flowers, and had a shirred tube top.
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| The most popular dress in the 70s. Inexpensive to make and easy to wear. |
She let herself into the house, said hello, and asked if she could take a bath. I shrugged and told her to go ahead. She quickly bathed herself and washed her long hair, then dried off and slipped her dress back on. As she got ready to leave, she calmly told me she was going to try to find Darwin and see if they could get back together. I thought she was being delusional. Darwin had been living with his new girlfriend for some time now. He wasn't interested in Liz anymore and had angrily screamed those words at her during the Eagle Street fight that I vaguely remembered. I was so shocked by the out-of-the-blue visit that I didn't think to ask Liz where the girls were until after she exited the house and headed toward Washington Street. By then, she was gone.
I didn't see Liz again for over a year. And when she came back into our lives in the summer of 1977, she had a new baby. He was a beautiful blond haired boy named David who was born in July. She told us that Darwin was the father. Mom was overjoyed to have a new grandbaby, and didn't have a doubt that he was Darwin's child. I don't remember her bringing the girls with her when she brought the baby to show us. We didn't get to see Jennifer and Samya for many months. The next time we saw them, they looked very different because they had grown so much and both had short hair. They both seemed very shy and did not talk, like kids who are meeting new people for the first time. I had the distinct impression that they had not been living with their mother until recently, but I was 17 years old at the time and didn't ask questions.
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| Samya is on Cherub's shoulders, Jennifer is on Sad Sam's shoulders, and little David is with Tabatha, playing with a kitten. This is sometime in 1978 |
In the summer of 1978, Liz had popped back into our lives. Mom asked her to drive with me up to Northern California to pick up some Poodles that we had loaned out for a year to dog breeder friends. It was in August. Mom watched one year old David during the week that we were gone. I don't remember the two girls being in the picture. Liz and I had a nice easy drive to Mendocino County, which is in between San Francisco and the Oregon border. While we stayed for a few days at the dog breeders compound, Liz seemed very Zen. She spent her time lounging in her cool dark bedroom and was reading The Thorn Birds, by Colleen McCullough. On the drive back to San Diego, Liz revealed to me that she was pregnant yet again with Darwin's child. I heard her say it, but I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Darwin was still with the other woman. I really thought Liz was living in her own little world and was not being honest with herself. But I was wrong.
The following April, Liz gave birth to Sabrina, a beautiful little girl with curly hair just like her father Darwin and grandmother Carol. She had the big brown Warriner eyes. There was no denying that the child belonged to my brother. I was very confused, and also very sad that those children were never going to have a father to help raise them and to care for them.
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| I found this photo in Mom's desk. I don't know when it was taken. |
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| Sabrina at Eagle Street house with one of our Collie mix puppies |
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| Liz brought the kids by at Christmas, I think this was 1983. |
Mom, of course, was very happy to have these precious kids in her life. Liz brought them around for visits quite often in the early eighties, then disappeared again for a time.
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| The girls liked Mom's electric vehicle and piled onto it for a photo |
Liz resurfaced again during Mom's waning years, this time with a new man and two new children, Patrick and Reva. Even though these two new babies were not Darwin's kids, Mom fell in love with them just the same.
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| Patrick, Samya, and Sabrina |
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| Grandma Angel (Carol) with Samya and Sabrina and their new baby sister Reva, around Christmas 1985 |
I will always remember Liz with fondness and sadness. In the beginning, Liz was a young mother with a calm maturity and confidence. She wasn't afraid to work. Unlike the other partners and spouses of my siblings, Liz was able to break the ice with Mom and maintain a lifelong warm relationship. But something happened to her along the way.
In the novel, The Thorn Birds, the character Meggie falls hopelessly in love with a man who was devoted to a different life path and gave her mixed signals. She spends her entire life obsessed with the man, and manages to have his son so that she at least has a piece of him that he cannot take away. In the end, she loses that beloved son, and does not end up with the man that she loved for a lifetime. Sadly, Liz followed Meggie's path. She loved Darwin with an obsession that seemed to be her undoing. She had children with him, knowing he was with someone else, but probably hoping that he would someday return to his family. When that wishful fantasy never became a reality, it seemed to break her spirit. And I am certain her children suffered the consequences.
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